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Friday, September 20, 2013

This Time Around


my first few weeks of motherhood scared the pants off me. i was nervous to hold my own child, worried i'd drop her or trip while walking down the stairs with her. jeff changed her diapers and rocked her to sleep more often than i did. i was nearly paralyzed the day he went back to work and left me alone with her. my baby blues were in full swing. i cried throughout the day for no reason—but also because my nipples hurt and i still couldn't fit into my regular clothes and there was never time to take a shower. a messy house stressed me out, so while evie slept i cleaned instead of napped. i felt like i'd started a new full-time job—the hardest job i'd ever had—one without weekends or breaks and no way out. no previous experience required.

and for some reason, i've agreed to do it all over again. 

i'm promising myself it'll be easier this time. i'm vowing not to stress over a messy house. i'm swearing not to beat myself up when i let evie watch tv while i nurse the baby; i'll try not to recall the articles i've read about tv being detrimental to her learning and development, and i won't wonder if i'm doing the wrong thing. i'll go with the flow. 

i won't get as frustrated when it's 3am and my baby won't sleep, because i'll know those sleepless nights won't last long—they won't even last a second. i won't let a fear of breastfeeding in public stop me from taking my toddler to the park, the library or out for ice cream, newborn in tow. if there's ever a time when evie is napping while the baby is asleep, i'll take a nap, too. and when the baby is six weeks old and has been pleasant all day but starts screaming his head off right as jeff walks through the door, around 5:30pm, and jeff says, "this sucks," i'll bring up the times when evie did the same thing, and we'll try to laugh it off, go with the flow. 

despite my goals, i know some things will be the same as last time. i'll love this kid as much as i love evie. i'll buy too many new toys and books for him. i'll cry when i drop him off at daycare for the first time. when i take him and Evie out to lunch with my girlfriends, i'll mechanically give my friends only 50-percent of my attention, the other 50-percent focused on my kids—what evie's drawing on her paper menu, how my baby's lips turn up into a quick smile as he sleeps. 

this time around, i'll be better prepared for the good times as well as the trying ones. and i'll already know that a big chocolaty drink from the drive-through starbucks will make the trying ones a little bit better.

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  1. It's amazing the difference in confidence you have with your second baby (and your third and fourth too!) I felt like I enjoyed it a more because I stressed less.

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  2. you said it sister! I felt the exact same way, and with this being our third time around Im so relaxed about the upcoming baby I feel like Im setting myself up for disaster haha

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  3. Great post Meghan. It's inspiring and so honest!

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  4. congrats on growing your family!! evie is just adorable so i'm sure he will be too :)

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  5. so well said! the transition to a mommy of two was soooo much easier for me. I'd experienced a version of it all before so I was much less stressed and worried--even when Jed probably watched too much tv. Being a mom of two is much much busier but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

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  6. So honest and refreshing! I'm about to become a first time mom in January and as excited as can be. That said I'm also probably as terrified as can be! It's so nice to read that I'm not alone in those feelings and that everything will probably turn out fine :) Oh, and congratulations!

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  7. Congrats! I look forward to reading more posts :)

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  8. I'm very excited for you, you are all so precious. Hope you are feeling well. Take care,

    Shauna

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  9. Awe what a wonderful moma you are and will be! Love the darling memorie pics!! Just love your little famil:)

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  10. New follower! Your family is adorable :)

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