Thursday, June 6, 2013


not mommy, as in “mommy, will you tie my shoes?” or mom, as in “mom, have you seen my reading folder?” not even mother, as in “oh crap, here comes my mother!” 


a mama rocks her newborn babe for hours. she folds tiny t-shirts and socks. a mama squishes bananas and avocadoes with the back of a fork. she has a baby on her hip, and perhaps a toddler on the back of her legs.

a mama tends to be covered in undefined substances: milk, spit-up, crusty food.  she may look a little disheveled. people understand why when they see the small people clinging to her: she is a mama. her life is difficult and wearying, but there’s a simplicity, a singleness of focus, that she will look back on one day with envy.

when you’re a mama, you know exactly what your priorities are, because babies don’t let you forget.

evie calls me mama, but i don't feel much like one anymore. not the kind that squishes bananas and wears undefined substances on her clothes, anyway. she's becoming more and more independent each week. recent milestones: learning to drink—without spilling (much)!—from a cup without a sippy spout and handles; playing independently for an extended period of time, allowing me to cook a good dinner or wash dishes; picking up new words and phrases daily (mawning, as in "good morning"; oh die dosh!, as in "oh my gosh!"). 

on the one hand it's great, having room to breathe. on the other, i'm left craving the feeling of rocking a newborn, locking eyes with her and staring deep into her soul, feeling amazed by her beauty and strength and fascinated by the mysteries she brings with her from beyond. 

meagan francis is right about looking back on even the hardest days with envy. it's funny how we forget the up-all-night, no-time-for-yourself, still-in-so-much-pain-from-the-birth stuff so easily! 

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  1. 'oh die dosh!' love it. the learning to talk and the funny sayings and words are what I'm looking back with 'envy' the most. my kids can speak now, and rarely mess up the words. and it's sad to me. how sad is that! :)

    my favorites were 'dee doo' (thank you), and 'yep speez' (yes please).

  2. begin a mama is no joke. i don't have any kiddos of my own, but i am the oldest of 4 and still don't know how my mom did it all.

  3. Yes! I know exactly what you mean. The day my son switched to calling me "mommy" from "mama" was like this big wake up call. No more itty bitty baby!

  4. I love it that my adult son calls me "mama"!

  5. Tug at my heart strings on this one. I really try to remember that these days are the ones I will miss. I fear the day when my son can suddenly do almost everything himself. What will my role be then? I guess this motherhood stuff just keeps changing. And it sounds like you're about ready for baby #2! :) wink wink

  6. This is so sweet - and so true! They grow up way too fast!

  7. Beautiful photos!

    There is something special to "mama". You will still find it. My 5 year old looks up at me from time to time and tells me "Mama, I love you" and I get a hug. Complete heartmelt.

    Country Bunkin Mama

  8. Awwww, it is so cute when they start the phrases and don't quite have them right. I love it!!!

  9. I know how you feel. My baby girl is going to turn two in less than a month. I'm a little torn. I love that she's a big girl now and that we can do so many things as a family. But, I do miss her baby days.

  10. this is absolutely beautiful, and such great insight and wisdom. it seems so true. i'm cherishing "mama" right now, though I know there will be great joy in the "mommy" & "mom" days, too. yet again, your blog just makes me smile, meghan!