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Friday, May 3, 2013

uncomfortable

today's blog every day in may prompt: things that make you uncomfortable. lately, this is what does it:

the thought of handing my daughter over to a complete stranger who will knock her out and cut into her tiny eyelid while i wait nervously in the lobby. (evelyn's congenital ptosis has started to affect her vision, so she's having surgery to correct it on may 14. i'm not particularly looking forward to it.)

it'll be even worse than evie's first trial-run at daycare a year ago. after dropping her off for the first time, i cried for a whole hour, strolling the aisles of target to pass the time because i didn't want to go home to a quiet house, an empty crib, a vacant baby swing that usually filled the living room with lullabies. it just doesn't feel right handing your child over to someone you've only met once in an interview or at a consultation, no matter how qualified the person is.





i can see myself on the day of surgery: gnawing on what's left of my stubby fingernails, pacing the hallways, downing coffee, praying my baby wakes up happy and with an eye that's not totally botched because we chose the wrong doctor. (did we choose the wrong doctor? i guess there's no way to know for sure.)

the thought makes me uncomfortable, but i'm relieved to know this will be behind us in a few short weeks. evie may need a second surgery when she's older, when her face is more developed, but pretty soon she'll be able to see better, and that's what matters. i'm also relieved we sought a second opinion because something about the first one didn't feel quite right. we’re so thankful for the experience, patience and confidence of the doctor we chose. 

i'll still worry and wonder about the doctor and surgery until may 14, of course, but worrying comes with the motherhood territory. i'll never again be worry free, and i'll never again be a heavy sleeper. (before evie was born, i slept through an earthquake. now i wake at the sound of her cough.) but the love i feel for my baby girl makes up for everything.


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  1. Evie is such a cutie and I love the name!! I will be thinking of her on May 14th! :)

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  2. I can not even imagine what you are going through. Hopefully it will be a quick and painless process.

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  3. Aww, poor girls. Both of you! Best wishes on May 14th

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  4. Oh sweetie! I felt the exact same way when Mady had surgery, I was handing over my one year old baby so they could cut dangerously close to vital parts. What was supposed to be 4 hours turned into 8. Even though our cases are different the feeling is still the same. If you believe, pray. Cry if you have too. Trust your instincts and everything will be ok and six months from now you wont even remember why you were stressed! Ever need someone to talk you can e-mail me at storiesofastayathomemom(at)gmail(dot)com

    dnmmoffat.blogspot.com

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  5. I will keep you in my thoughts on May 14!! Everything is going to be just fine! AND better in the end :)

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  6. Aww this is so beautiful. Good luck to you and your baby on the day of the surgery xoxo

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  7. Best of luck! It is hard and your feelings are so normal. My son has some eye issues too and may need surgery one day so I feel your pain! Good for you for getting another opinion - you shouldn't sign on to surgery with someone if you aren't totally comfortable - maybe to ease your mind more you could ask for some stats on complication rates for him/her or ask for a patient reference or two to chat with? Good luck!

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  8. Wishing you and little Evie all the best - I can't imagine the anxiety you must be feeling. You're making the right choice and she will be so thankful when she's able to express it to you :)

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  9. Awww, that made me sad just thinking about it. You are so right, it will never feel right to hand your baby over to a stranger. I'll be praying for y'all. Also, I am IN. LOVE with her hair. I have two red-headed babies myself! Thanks for stopping by my blog :-)

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  10. You came to mind this afternoon as I remembered Evie's appt tomorrow. Praying that you'll be at peace as she undergoes the procedure and that all will go smoothly! Be brave, mama. :)

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