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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

mommy confession: scared to pieces


two weeks after our perfect daughter was born, the doctor told us she wasn't quite perfect. her left eye that hadn't yet opened all the way wasn't just a temporary effect of delivery—it was permanent. congenital ptosis, the doctor called it. a teeny tiny muscle in evelyn's teeny tiny eyelid hadn't developed completely before birth, leaving her with a moderate droop that covered part of her pupil. the only way to fix it was surgery, the pediatrician said. she gave us a business card for one of just two pediatric ophthalmologists in our city.

the ophthalmologist told us not to worry. that it's not uncommon. that evelyn can see fine, it's just cosmetic, and that she likely won't need surgery until age four or five, before it becomes a social problem. 

a social problem.

as i cradled my weeks-old baby in the ophthalmologist's office, strings cinched tight around my aching heart. the thought of anyone teasing my perfect girl because of a 3mm eyelid droop made me sad and furious and irritated all at once. i wanted to protect her forever.

from then on, we had appointments with the eye doctor every six months so evie could have her eyes dilated and the doctor could ensure she was still making an effort to see out from under that low lid: lifting her chin, raising her eyebrows, things like that.


all was well until last wednesday.

last wednesday, the ophthalmologist told us it was time to schedule the surgery. evie wasn't working as hard to use her left eye anymore, and it was obvious she couldn't see as well out of it.

i almost didn't believe it. i thought i'd have years to prepare. as the doctor's words sank in, i was overwhelmed with every emotion from terror to relief. i'd done my research. i knew the benefits and risks of having this surgery at such a young age.

we were handed another business card and told to meet with another doctor—an oculoplastic surgeon—this monday for a consultation.

crossing our fingers he's extraordinarily skilled and well reviewed, because we wouldn't leave our perfect girl in the hands of anyone less.


leave a little note!

  1. What a heart warming story. Sweet darling Evie you are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  2. I don't know you and haven't been reading this blog long, but I know how it feels to worry about your precious baby. I will be praying for Evie to have a safe, successful surgery and strength for you.

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  3. Leo had eye surgery at age four to correct intermittent strabismus. Big hugs to you and keep us posted.

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  4. i'm praying that God uses the right doctor to perform the surgery.

    sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers for beautiful Evie!

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  5. Sending prayers your way and hers! I hope you get some answers and leave the appointment feeling (somewhat) comfortable with everything!

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  6. I am praying for you & your family. SHe is truly beautiful!

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  7. Thinking about you & your little family! One good thing about having the surgery done when she's this young is that she wont remember it when she's older. My friends' son had surgery when he was little & now that he's older he doesn't remember a thing! :)

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  8. All will be well! I will send lots of thoughts and prayers your way!!

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  9. she will be in great hands meghan sending you lots of prayers and love your way for her surgery and for you as a her mother

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  10. Evie is a lucky girl to live in a time when this can be fixed so easily. It's still probably nerve-wracking, though. Best of luck!

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  11. Hello! New follower from the hop! My daughter has a cochlear implant and I remember holding my two month old baby while they told us our daughter didn't hear and would never hear without a major surgery and then we found out she has a CHD and would most likely need surgery on her heart. I totally relate to what you are feeling but I must tell you the sky is brighter on the other side and even though it's scary if you trust the doctor she's in great hands!

    dnmmoffat.blogspot.com

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  12. My thoughts are with you right now! You are such a great mom for worrying and I am sure everything will be just fine! Thinking of you!

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  13. Hey there! I'm a new follower from the mommy confessions link up and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this! My thoughts are with you and I hope the surgeon is excellent.

    Becky
    http://alazycrazylife.blogspot.com/

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  14. Meghan - thinking of you all! If you want to, run the doctor's name by me and I will do a check on his malpractice history to make sure he/she checks out - I work in medical malpractice and know a few things ;) Love you!

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  15. What a lovely little girl! I will be thinking of you and praying for all to go well :)

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    Replies
    1. SUCH a beautiful baby girl! Will be keeping your family in my prayers.

      xo
      Rebecca
      www.rebeccamarin.com

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  16. Prayers for y'all. She's a cutie.

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  17. she is perfect and the surgery will be perfect, too. sending love to your cute little familia :)

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  18. I'm sure you will find the perfect doctor for your perfect little girl. Sending a little prayer your way.

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  19. Thinking of you! So sorry to hear this is coming sooner than you expected - she's absolutely perfect and I trust you'll make the right choice. <3's

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  20. I'm not suprised you're scared...but she will be in such good hands and you're beautiful girl will be just fine! x

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  21. So sorry to hear about this - Evie looks perfect to me! I'm sure everything will be okay and she'll make a fast recovery. Thinking of you!

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  22. Oh wow! I'll be praying for you little one. I'm sure this is hard, but it's definitely important to keep her using her eye! :-)

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  23. I can not even imagine how you must be feeling.. just know that we are all thinking of your little girl right now.. children are stronger than we give them credit.

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  24. Meghan she is so beautiful! And I feel your pain and worry. Our youngest was born deaf in his left ear, and although his appearance is 100% normal there have and will be challenges for him in his life that not everyone has. BUT, I remember each day that his challenge could be so much worse and feel blessed that it's just one of his tiny ears or in your case one teeny tiny muscle.

    Thoughts and prayers to you and Jeff. Surgery is scary but have faith in your doctor. We've had only wonderful ones along the way.

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  25. Good luck to you and your little Evie. I am sure she will be just fine - I had to have have eye surgery (for a different issue) on both eyes when I was 7 and everything worked out. They'll take care of your little girl!

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  26. sending you good vibes, positive thoughts and big prayers! I am sure it will go perfectly and little Evie will be better in no time :) And maybe it's better that it's when she is so young so that way she wont remember it or express the pain etc afterwards as much as she could at age 5. Keep us posted!

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  27. Oh my goodness - I just cried through the post above this with the children's museum, thinking, "Oh my, that is one incredibly gorgeous baby - and the red hair, be still my heart" and then I cried some more with this one! I can't imagine what you're going through!!!! Sending many prayers and hugs your way that everything goes perfectly - just think of how happy she'll be when she can see oh-so-clearly all the time!

    Your blog is beautiful and so is your little girl! Oh, I can hardly take it - so cute! :)

    Thank you for linking up with us!

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  28. I love all your photos! She is absolutely beautiful, and I can hardly imagine what you must be going through. You're in my thoughts and prayers (as is your gorgeous daughter!)
    Thanks for linking up with us!
    xoxo
    Megan @ thememoirsofmegan.com

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  29. I am praying for your little girl, with the most beautiful blue eyes, and for her doting mamma, to find peace in her decisions!

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  30. You are both in my thoughts sweet friend!

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  31. oh God bless you guys! What a sweet girl. I can sort of relate because my Charlie girl had to have minor eye surgery around 15 months. Its so nerve wracking having them put under at such a young age...I remember they gave her a sedative before the surgery which really mellowed her out and relaxed her, it made me feel better that she didn't know what was going on so she wasn't scared, and of course, it all turned out great.

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  32. Sending prayers for you, your husband & of course your sweet, precious little lady!

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