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Monday, June 21, 2010

It's Time to Get High-School Skinny

Let me preface this tale by telling you that I’m very impulsive—and completely impatient. It’s a scary combination. When I get an idea—to switch cities or jobs or apartments, or vacation in Paris alone, or chop my hair to my earlobes, or pay $150 for an online Weight Watchers subscription because I think 125 pounds is beyond all help—I follow through within a day or two, no matter how crazy the inspiration. Most times, I end up regretting the result. (I even wrote an entire entry on this sort of chaos.) Examples include: buying a solo ticket to Paris a week before leaving (I regret the price of airfare but not the trip); deciding to move to San Francisco and packing my bags the next day; and taking two days to think about whether I should uproot my life, move to Portland and leave my job and friends in San Francisco—and then leaving my job and friends in San Francisco. (Although this is one quick decision I don't regret.)

(You know the story.)

Anyway, I have another one of these ideas. Truth is, I need to get in shape. Like, really in shape. Summer’s here (today’s the first day!), and I’m not comfortable parading my soft ass and belly around in anything but jeans and t-shirts. (And that’ll be weird when the temperature hits ninety.) Actually, I’m starting to wonder if it’s even appropriate to show my upper arms, because they’re looking rather tubby, too.

My idea? Is to run a half marathon.

The race is September 19th near Champoeg State Park. The training schedule is a ten-week program, so my initial thought is that August will be a perfect time to run. Then I read the schedule's fine print: “This training program assumes you have been running consistently for at least 4-6 weeks and can run for at least thirty minutes without stopping.”

Hm.

Yeah.

So I need to get in shape before starting to train. Naturally, I have another brilliant idea: I’ll purchase a new iPod nano for $149 (so I’ll have something to listen to while getting in shape), an arm band for $30 (to hold my new iPod in place while I zip around the track), a Nike+ sensor for $29.99 (to record my distance, burned calories and total steps while I run), a pair of Nike+ ready running shoes for $53 at the employee store (to connect with my Nike+ sensor), and $20 worth of new songs for my new iPod (to keep me pumped while I train).

After charging $281.99 to my Capital One card (before even registering for the race, which is $50)—in less than 24 hours after the idea’s inception—I’m ready to brave the trails.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress.


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  1. Hilarious! Brilliant! Flabby upper arms? Just wait until you can't shake the salt shaker without causing a seismic reaction at the dinner table! Love your writings.

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  2. just bought the nike free runs - AMAZING. you need those too. $85 (minus your discount and no taxes in oregon). they're a must.

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