3:25 pm: The wine isn’t helping.
3:34 pm: Special Friend and I decide pottery-painting will be of service to our cramping guts.
3:37 pm: But first we pound the last of our $6.99 cab.
3:41 pm: Inspect my purple teeth, lips and gums in the bathroom mirror.
3:42 pm: Brush teeth to achieve purly whiteness, like the kind in the Crest commercials.
3:44 pm: Still. Purple.
3:45 pm: Hmm. I guess I don’t mind a purple mouth so much.
3:55 pm: Stop by Albertson’s for a six-pack of Mickey’s fine malt liquor. Because why the hell not?
4:13 pm: Arrive at Dipinto A Mano.
4:14 pm: “Is this place even open?” It's rather deserted.
4:15 pm: Grizzled, double-chinned broad welcomes us before we’re through the door.
4:18 pm: Grizzled, double-chinned broad explains the types of paints, types of items to paint, and the many, many painting techniques we might want to try.
4:34 pm: Grizzled, double-chinned broad is still talking about paint.
4:35 pm: I decide I sort of hate people who think they can talk forever about nothing.
4:36 pm: Must. Keep. Eyes. Open.
4:38 pm: I interrupt to ask for a pencil so I can start sketching my future masterpiece on a ceramic cereal bowl. And so I don’t fall asleep standing up.
4:39 pm: I don’t care about the type of wax that some pencil and/or led companies are using in their pencils and why that type of wax isn’t optimal for the fire ovens in which our painted crafts will turn into art pieces.
4:41 pm: I decide on paint colors.
4:42 pm: Finally.
4:56 pm: “I’d like a mandrill painted on my coffee mug, please, Special Friend.”
4:57 pm: Special Friend Googles photos of mandrills.
5:11 pm: We practice drawing mandrills and orca whales on scrap paper -- with pens, not pencils, as per the aforementioned wax problem.
5:46 pm: Special Friend is scared shitless to put ink on a clean, white ceramic bowl.
5:47 pm: So he sticks a piece of tape around the top instead. We’re off to a good start.
6:10 pm: Two little girls and their mom enter the store to make something of their own.
6:30 pm: We paint in silence. And in fear. We're really getting into this.
6:57 pm: Mmmm. Mickey’s.
7:20 pm: Paint, drink, sing along to an iPod playlist, one earphone in my ear and one in Special Friend’s.
7:24 pm: Little girls leave after creating artwork that rivals Picasso’s.
7:25 pm: We’re still here. Painting.
7:26 pm: And drinking.
7:32 pm: Special Friend spills a full bowl of water on me and soaks the table. Not sure if it’s an accident or not. We blame it on the Mickey’s.
8:02 pm: Grizzled, double-chinned broad takes our mug and cereal bowl. “Ohhh, what interesting images,” she says while lifting a bushy eyebrow, holding our artwork at arms length to get a better look, and then cocking her head to one side. She shrugs, plopping our creations on the shelf with the others to be fire-glazed.
8:04 pm: We pay.
8:07 pm: "Did we just spend four hours painting animals on dishes?"