I found this email and photo in my inbox yesterday morning:
Subject: Where's my gold star?
Gooooood morning Megs,
This phenomenon here at Global Corporation is something I came to realize long ago. All around us, each and every day, meetings take place in conference rooms, offices, common areas restaurants hallwaysbackalleys. Meetings are like the particles in the air we cannot see, but know are there. Like the atoms in our bodies, they control everything we do, but cannot be quantified or realized unless you are one of the privileged enough to attend.
For these reasons, when I am part of one besides my standard monthly check-in department meeting, I make the most of it. I arrive early, pen and notebook in hand, ideas in head, caffeine intravenously injected prior to arrival. When meetings don't accomplish much, I am not happy. Not. Happy.
Unfortunately, here at Global Corporation, the meetings I attend are more often than not an utter waste of my $17/hr time. For example, yesterday we had a meeting to discuss making a poster for a LEAN Project Gallery. Several "LEAN" Projects have been taking place throughout the building to, in essence, make things more efficient. To culminate our successes, upper management has decided we create posters showing off our accomplishments. We'll display them in a Gallery in front of our peers. Welcome back to 5th Grade.
Now, we've had the work finished for weeks and just need to piece the poster together, but for some reason, meeting attendees started circle-jerking each other with phrases like synergy, best practices, wordsmith, value-added, and streamlining processes. After 15 minutes I just asked for a due date. Meeting over.
If they're going to waste my time, I will waste theirs. I spent at least 90 minutes on this poster, finding the perfect pictures, clip art files, fonts, color schemes, and overall layout.
If I'm back in 5th grade, I want my goddamn Gold Star.