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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Edinburgh Castle Asks Tough Questions

Setting: Edinburgh Castle Pub, an extremely cool bar considering its location: Geary Street between Larkin and Polk. We’re sitting on the balcony with a pitcher of Anchor Steam and seven pieces of paper numbered one through ten. We hold little pencils, like the ones you use for the SATs. Darren absently touches the underside of the table, and then pulls his hands back, his face crumpled in repulsion. He warns us not to look under the table. We look anyway. There’s chewed gum all over it.

Me: These pencils remind me of tests. I feel like I’m taking a test.

Drew: But you don’t get to drink beer during tests. [He raises his glass.]

Me: You’re right. To trivia!

Drew and Darren: To trivia!

[The three of us clink and chug.]

Godly voice bellowing through speakers: Throughout the course of the evening, I’m going to ask some ridiculously… easy… questions. And you’ll want to stand on top of your tables, jump up and down, and call out the answers – very loudly. Fight the urge to do that.

[Laughter.]

Godly voice bellowing through speakers: You see? There are two kinds of people in this world. There are people like you and me, and there are people who shout out answers. And the difference between us and them? Is that they’re assholes.

[More laughter. He’s a kook.]


Godly voice bellowing through speakers:
Round number one. Question one. According to the old saying, what can’t beggars be?

Me [yelling, and standing, and jumping]: Choosers. Choosers!

Darren: Asshole.

Me: Whoops. [I chug.]

Godly voice bellowing through speakers: Question number two. In the Twelve Days of Christmas, what does your true love give you on the ninth day?

Me: Oh! There’s a partridge in a pear tree, two turtle doves, three French hens, four calling birds, five golden rings, six geese a-laying, seven swans a-swimming, eight maids a-milking, nine… nine… nine… Arg!

[Chug.]

Godly voice bellowing through speakers: Question number three. What is the name of the tunnel that goes to Sausalito? The one with the rainbow on it? It’s not Castro tunnel, or Gay tunnel… so what is it?

[We have no clue. So we chug. We chug for every answer that we don’t know. The game is seven rounds, with ten questions each. How much beer do we consume? You do the math.]

Photos from Flickr.com


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